Chapter Two – Where It Got Worse
It’d been two months since the party, two months since Sophie and I accidentally had sex.
Two months since I ruined whatever sibling bond we’d had before, twisting it into something perverted, corrupted.
I’d all but avoided all interaction since that night. If we spoke it was only a few short words from me before I scampered off. If we were in the same room, I stayed for as long as was not suspicious to our fortunately clueless parents.
Unfortunately Sophie wasn’t clueless. She knew what I was doing, she knew I was avoiding her. It was on her face every time she looked at me. It was in her words every time she spoke to me.
She was hurting from my actions, my avoidance, my abandonment.
But I couldn’t…I wouldn’t…
I had no choice, not truly. Because somehow, someway it had gotten worse. The bond we once shared as brother and sister had changed forever. And to my disgust, I found myself unable to be around her without getting aroused.
Her lips brought back the sensation of them on my cock. Her eyes brought back the memory of lust they’d had as they once gazed down at me. But it was her body as a whole that completed the anguish. I could remember each and every curve, how soft her skin felt, how she smelt and tasted.
It tormented me day after day. Even my dreams weren’t safe as she came to me every other night, her dream-self eager to remind me just how good she was at giving me pleasure.
‘I wanna make you feel good, James…’
Waking up filled with shame became a common occurrence.
But as with all things, I couldn’t run forever.
That day came on a Friday of all days. Our parents were out on a date weekend, leaving the two of us alone in the house. Not that I planned to keep it that way mind you. Making plans to stay as far away from Sophie as possible had become as common as planning what to eat.
And so there I was in my room, putting the rest of my weekend clothes into a rucksack as I prepared to go over to my mates place. It was a good couple of miles and Sophie didn’t know how to drive yet, though she was taking lessons so it was only a matter of time.
Still, at that moment she wouldn’t be able to come near me without walking a fair few miles and I knew she wouldn’t do that. So I was safe, I was…good.
At least that’s what I thought until my door opened softly and the woman who’d haunted my dreams entered my room. I turned to look at her, startled at her sudden entry. Sophie on the other hand merely looked at me, the expression on her face twisting into a deep hurt as she looked at my rucksack.
“You’re leaving?” she asked, her voice quiet.
“Y-Yeah,” I acknowledged, nodding once before closing the rucksack up with a sharp zip. “Going to Pauls for the weekend. I’ll be back Sunday night so…uh, yeah.”
She bounced on her heels absentmindedly, her eyes moving from the rucksack to me, filled with a deep sadness.
“James…can we talk?” she asked, shutting the door behind her with her foot and moving forward, cutting me off from leaving as I put the rucksack on my shoulder. “James please don’t go. We need to talk.”
She put a hand on my chest and inched closer, her eyes watery and lips quivering.
“I…” Words were beyond me, she was too close and the memories too fresh in that moment. I could smell her soap on her skin, feel the warmth coming from her soft hand.
“I just wanna talk, James,” she repeated softly. “You’ve been avoiding me.”
“I haven’t,” I replied quickly, the lie leaving me before I could so much as try to stop it.
She shook her head and sighed. “Yes you have. You run from me whenever I enter the same room. You panic whenever I so much as look at you. Fuck James, you don’t even let me touch you. You act like I’m diseased şişli escort or something.”
Finally her voice cracked, the hurt and sadness clear as a bell in that moment. Whatever I felt, it paled in comparison to how her distress made me feel like shit.
“I’m sorry Soph,” I whispered, unable to look at her. “I just…I feel so ashamed.”
“Why?” she asked gently, her hands cupping and turning my face so I was looking at her. “I don’t feel that way. I told you then and I’ll tell you now, it was the best sex I’ve ever had. You said the same when I asked. Why feel so bad over something so good?”
“Because I fucked my sister, Soph,” I replied, aghast at how unaffected she seemed to be. “Don’t you get it? We fucked each other. Accident or no, it still happened and now I can’t even look at you without…”
I moved back, ignoring her wince.
“Without what?” she asked, moving closer as I moved back.
“Without nothing,” I snapped, anger finally infecting my tone. “Look this conversation accomplishes nothing. It doesn’t change what happened that night and it doesn’t change-“
I petered off, words leaving me as Sophie moved in and put her arms around me tightly. My first instinct was to push her away but her sudden charge knocked my ass onto the bed. And before I could blink, I once again had my goddamned sister wrapped around me.
Her body, her warmth, her scent. It was too much.
“Sophie get off me,” I whispered, fighting as hard as I could against the arousal building up beneath her. “I don’t want to hurt you, so please just get off me.”
Her head, once buried in the crook of my neck moved to face me. “I said no. You’ve been so scared to come anywhere near me since that night and I’m tired of it. I miss you, I want to be as close as we were before we shagged. And no, I don’t care if you don’t want to. Because you bloody well need it. I’m your fucking sister and I won’t let you torture yourself over something that quite frankly, I look back on fondly.”
“No,” she cut me off, shaking her head, her eyes blazing with passion. “I don’t care if that sounds wrong, it’s how I feel. And I think if you stopped forcing yourself to see it as some abominable act, you’d see it the same way too.”
Whatever else she had to say vanished as she shifted ever so slightly, her eyes widening, looking down before quickly snapping back to me.
“Oh,” she uttered, surprise clear in her tone. “You’re hard.”
“No shit,” I retorted, shame and anger beginning to take root. “You’re wiggling on top of me, of course it’s going to affect me that way.”
“It never did before,” she pointed out, still not getting off me. “I used to just sit on your lap to annoy you and you never got a stiffy from it.”
“Sophie get off me!”
My tone was apparently just the right level of pissed off to make her hop off me, though to my dismay she merely stared at the obvious bulge in my shorts instead.
“You want honesty, fine!” I snapped, thoroughly fucked off in that moment as I stood up sharply. “You’re right, I never did get like this before. Because before, I saw you as nothing more than my sister. My sister who picked her nose, ate all my food and could burp the alphabet. But now…now that’s fucking GONE! You’re different, I can’t see you the same way!”
I stopped and took a deep, shuddering breath. “Now I see you as…something more, something raw and sexual and it’s wrong, it’s so fucking wrong. I can’t even be in the same room without getting like this and I fucking hate it.”
“James,” she whispered, her eyes wide and tone soft.
“Don’t,” I said, unable to muster the anger needed to snap at her. “Just don’t say anything. You wanted honesty, there it is. That’s why I’m avoiding you. I’m hoping that after a while my brain will sort itself out, but mecidiyeköy escort until then I’m going to keep my distance. I’m sorry.”
The silence was poignant between us, lasting for what felt like an eternity.
I looked at her, startled. “Excuse me?”
Sophie looked right back at me, her eyes blazing with a passion that dwarfed before. Her body was rigid, her hands curled up into fists.
“I said no,” she said firmly, walking quickly until she was but a breath away. “I don’t care how wrong you think this all is. That night was more than just great sex and we both know it. What you’re fighting, what you feel is what I feel, what I have felt every day ever since. The only difference between us is that I’m not fighting against it. I refuse to fight it!”
She poked my shoulder hard, her lower lip trembling, voice raw with emotion.
“You get hard because you find me attractive in a way you never did before. You get that way because you know just as well as I do that the sex we had that night was life changing in more ways than the obvious. Yeah we committed incest, so fucking what? It’s not as important as realizing that everyone else I’ve ever been with could never measure up to how wonderful you make me feel!”
“Sophie, you’re not saying what I think you’re saying?” I asked, horror etched into my words.
She laughed manically, tears beginning to trickle down her cheeks as she stared at me, unflinching.
“You’re damn straight I am, James. I love you, I love you so fucking much it hurts. And I know, I know you feel the same way. I can see it when you look at me.”
“I…” Words left me briefly. “I don’t love you like that. It’s just lust from the whole fucked up situation.”
“Oh is it?” she snapped, eyebrow quirked up as if challenging me. “So you’re telling me…what, that you don’t think about me? You don’t dream about me? You’re telling me that the idea of me getting with another guy doesn’t make your gut twist horribly? Because the idea of you getting together with some random girl makes me wanna vomit.”
Her words, angry and sharp, hit the mark way too closely for me to not react as such.
I did think about her almost every day and I did dream about her. And the concept of her being with someone else, while once wouldn’t have bothered me beyond the whole big brother protective shit, now felt entirely unpleasant to imagine.
“We can’t feel this way,” I whispered, shaking my head resolutely. “I won’t feel this way, I refuse.”
“Oh, you think you can?” she asked, her tone almost mocking as she scoffed. “You think…what? That you can just turn off what you feel for me. You think I can turn off what I feel for you? You actually think for one moment that either of us can do that?”
“We have to try, Soph.”
“No we don’t,” she refused, shaking her head. “I love you. I love you as more than just a sister and no matter how much you try to avoid me, that will never change.”
“You can’t love me like that,” I said, practically pleading with her. “You can’t…”
She smiled at me and closed the distance, her hand upon my face. “Do you understand what I mean when I say I love you, James? It means that I want you to be happy, it means I want to be the reason you are happy. It means…that I want you to look at me and feel turned on.”
Her hand snaked down and gently grasped me, squeezing so gently that I barely felt it. But even then it was more than enough to make me near whimper with pleasure.
“It’s not the same with other people is it?” she asked softly, smiling as she traced it lightly with her nails. “The pleasure you feel now, it’s different isn’t it?”
“Sophie stop,” I whispered, placing my hand on her wrist only for her to take it off and kiss it gently.
“I won’t stop, James,” she crooned, a truly beautiful smile on istanbul escort her face as I leaned into her touch. “You want this, I can see it, I can feel it.”
Using her currently unused hand, she cupped my face and moved closer, her breath tickling my lips as our eyes locked.
“Tell me you love me, James,” she whispered, her hand snaking inside my shorts and pulling out my cock with a frightening amount of ease. “Just be honest and tell me…and I’ll make you cum so hard.”
I was lost in a pleasure I’d never felt before. There’d been others I’ve been with sexually, but no one, not a one compared to the way she made me feel.
I could barely focus…let alone stop myself from saying…
“I love you, Sophie.”
And I did love her, honesty was paramount in that moment, all shame forgotten as I became lost to her touch, to her presence…to her.
She smiled at my words, happier than I’d ever known her to be.
“I love you too,” she said, giggling happily. “Oh…I love you so much.”
Sophie closed the distance between us and kissed me deeply, her tongue meeting mine as her hand expertly pulled and tugged in ways I’d never done myself. We parted, her breath a light pant as she winked and quickly dropped to her knees.
And then all but swallowed my cock in one smooth motion.
“Fuck I’m not gonna-” Words left me as she giggled, the vibration leaving me gasping as I felt myself lose control.
Load after load poured out of my cock so strongly I could barely breathe. Sophie kept up her motions, giggling as she swallowed again and again until I eventually had no more to give. She pulled my cock out of her mouth with an audible pop before standing up to stare down at my fairly conked out body.
“Was it good for you then babe?” she asked, giggling again at my weak groan. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
She leaned down and kissed me gently, our eyes meeting in silent understanding as I regained my faculties.
‘Did this just happen…AGAIN?!’
Sophie rolled her eyes, apparently able to tell what I was thinking as she stood up and stretched. “Well I can see you’re going to have another existential crisis so I’ll leave you be.”
I blinked, startled at her bluntness. “What?”
She chuckled and poked my forehead gently. “I know you too well James. You’ll be agonising over this bit of fun all day, if not the rest of the weekend. So by all means go ahead, it doesn’t matter anymore.”
It was as though I’d just had whiplash, her words confusing me the hell out of me as I abruptly sat up. “I…what? I thought-“
“That I’d beg and plead with you not to?” she interrupted, quirking an eyebrow as she waggled her finger at me. “Nuh uh. I don’t think so. I for one have stuff to do and besides I don’t need to convince you anymore.”
I frowned at her, less confused and more concerned.
‘What does she mean?’
She sighed before leaning close and kissing me so quickly I had no chance to do anything.
“You’re a silly man, James,” she said, grinning at me. “Don’t you get it? It’s done, it’s all over for you now. I’ve wiggled my way into your noggin and now the next time you want to feel my love, you’ll come to me.”
And with a single sultry wink, she opened the door and all but skipped away humming a happy tune I didn’t recognise.
What I did recognise however was the raw truth to her words.
After all the fighting and avoidance I’d done to try and make my brain think about Sophie as a normal brother would, she’d gone and fucked up any and all progress in the space of a half hour.
She’d kissed me, blown me and this time without the excuse of alcohol and some mystery drugged up drink.
She loved me.
And now even the mere thought of her made my heart skip a beat.
‘She’s right,’ I thought, a slow dread forming in the pit of my stomach. ‘I’ve fucked up. I’ve let her in…and I don’t think I can get her out.’
I looked at the rucksack on the floor, the object having apparently found its way there in the chaos.
Somehow I didn’t think going to Pauls for the weekend would solve anything now.