Subject: Blue Chapter Two First Times Chapter Two First Times School goes back the way it was before where I’m passed in halls and on ground with little notice. My heart still jumps when I hear Henry or see him smiling. My life is not a love story, and it doesn’t or won’t contain any happy endings. If Henry is gay, he’ll find someone that fits, and they can go shopping at Brooks Brothers and adopt rescue dogs. I don’t get to have that life. Occasionally we pass and if the planets are just right we nod. He has stopped by the studio for a minute never asking about me just about my work. I let him talk and tell me what he wants. At first, these little visits bothered me then I stopped and let them happen. Father Grange is now Patrick. He and his wife Mary with their twin boys have me over for dinner each week. I’d never admit it, but I look forward to this time when I can pretend to be part of a family that doesn’t hate or pity me. One that I’ve not destroyed. Even though my agreement is to meet with Patrick every week, sometimes I meet with Mary. Her hippy vibe is comforting. She lets me have a glass of wine with her as we sit behind their house or on the thick red carpet in the seldom-used living room. She’s an artist. I love seeing her stained hands and flecks of paint that sometimes appear from her hair to shoes. “It took me a long time to understand I was creating for myself no one else,” she tells me as we inspect my contact sheets. “What about this?”I point to a still life shot. “No, too easy, here this?” “A maybe.”We continue without words for some time. “Ok guy, how’s everything going?” “I’m still in the middle of the road.” “No, really I can ask, or you can just tell me.” I exhale. “Classes are good mid-terms all good, there’s the art…you know…I promise I’m trying to be social.” Mary, kissing me on the cheek. “Report accepted….what about a drink?” They don’t pressure me to talk. They have to know a lot about me because of Uncle Pete and the rules I had to agree to before starting school. Meet with Grange Stay out of trouble Take Meds Listen Ask for help There is lots more that goes along with each, but it doesn’t matter because I would have agreed to anything to get out of Georgia. Patrick and Mary also spend time with Henry. They let me know Henry’s giving the boys guitar lessons. They ask me if it would bother me. As I’m saying “no” I’m screaming “yes.” It’s all fine. I’ve even dreamed of us all the Grange’s, Henry, and me being a family. Silly. Stupid. I do my best to keep such ideas out of my head. I leave the Grange’s after dinner and playing with the boys. Another secret that would hurt my reputation if it were to leak. The sky is already black, but the campus is lit in its orange glow. The light breeze blows fallen leaves along the walk. Students and others are coming and going. I enter the dorm and head to the room. I have my key in hand as I enter the hall. I open my door to Tony on his stomach reading a magazine. “I can come back…” “No it’s not that kind of book,” Tony says with a laugh, “History journal I’ve got to find a study or something for class.” “Yeah, I’m just picking up and heading to the library,”I say because once here I want to leave. Tony and I’ve been good. I don’t know another way to describe it. We talk in the room; we have this unspoken rule about our masturbation schedules, we share food, and help each other with classwork. We don’t share anything personal which is fine with me. It also makes it uncomfortable. He plays ball and does the athletic thing, and I’ve chosen to not be in that world now, so we are limited in topics. The tension of being forced to live with someone is over for the most part. “Do you need anything?” I ask about to walk out the door. “Will you return this book?” I take the book and note the title walking out “Sadism and Masochism-The Psychology of Hatred and Cruelty Vol. I” Damn, what’s my roommate into? How many volumes are they? I’m having a hard time imagining Tony checking this book out not to mention him reading it. I do recall him carrying it around. It’s a little red hardback with a black spine. Tony, I have so many questions for you. It goes in my bag. I don’t head right to the library. Entering the FAB, I’m met by sounds of choir rehearsal that get further away the closer I get to the print shop. Unlocking the door, I find someone has replaced my clean screens and tidied up some. I find what I’m here for and retreat making my way to the studio. Crossing into this space feels so good it makes my stress level go down. I see my area, and I’m proud of what I’m doing even if it isn’t the best or I get the top grade. The point is I’m doing it. I’m working the process. I put music on and do my thing. The door slowly opens. My first thoughts being I’m going to finally meet the allusive Stephen, but no it’s Henry. “How are you?” he asks smiling. “Good you know working.” For a time, Henry just stands looking at his feet and then out the window. “Listen, I’ve been meaning….can we talk….can I tell you something?” he’s stammering. I stop and turn to face Henry. “Sure.” Henry breathes deeps like he’s getting ready to dive into a pool. “Sit?” I gesture to a couple of stools. “Or the floor…your choice.” Henry chooses the floor. “I’m sorry about earlier. When I said we are alike, I thought…I assumed something or hoped something was true it was a mistake, and I’m sorry.” Some nervous silence. He continues. “Please don’t say anything to anyone about what I did….what I said. “Henry, I wouldn’t….don’t have anyone to tell.” “I think you’re nice…smart…sorry I offended….just thought……you’re comfortable being you…being this, that I…..” Henry stops. I still haven’t heard the way we are alike. I mean I know, but I’ll never make the mistake of proclaiming my queerness without being asked. I’d starred in this movie before, and I know that it doesn’t have a happy ending. This would require me to have faith or trust. In the silence, I wonder how long he’s been practicing this speech…how long has this been on his mind? How long have I been on his mind? “So you know… never done anything like that before. Trying to come up with something… let you know…..went to the bathroom to rehearse.” “I guess I freaked.” “So…..are we good….can we be friends? ” he asks. “No promises….” “Really, we can’t?” “It’s not a no I just..” standing and moving away. “Why can’t you just…so, you’re not gay…can’t be friends because I am……I never going to do anything like that again…I swear.” And there it is. Henry Case has said it. He has come out. “I don’t know about boys like you,” I say. “And you don’t have to worry about me outing you…. I would never do that.” “Wait….boys like me…what does that mean….” “I’ve done this before…the normal guy shit…it didn’t end well….” “What? you’re gay? ……you’re just.” “A big fag…..yes….but I’m nothing like you…we don’t fit not as a couple…maybe not friends….you don’t want to…..I destroy.” “What the fuck does that mean?” “It means you’re pretty…you need a nice pretty boy to be with.” “What if I want you?….What if I think you’re pretty?” Henry says. “That’s stupid….you don’t know me ….I’m not a good person.” Henry walking to me fast. I freeze not able to move. He grabs me by both arms presses me up against the counter. I wiggle away and punch him hard. He punches back. He has no idea how much pain I can take. I stop. His face is red and sweaty. He is breathing hard as he places his forehead against mine. We begin pressing our heads together. I want to split him into. “Stop…just stop…please,” he says. His breathing slows. I’m trying to match it. I don’t know the next move. He’s the aggressor. Fuck I don’t need this. Henry raising his head as I come in for a kiss. It’s clumsy, and we don’t line up, and I’ve rus escort forgotten everything about kissing at this moment. What am I doing? Aren’t you supposed to hold your breath? “Kid,” he whispers. “I’m no good….really not…I hurt people.” Henry saying nothing just kissing me, my nose, both cheeks, each eye, all over. He wraps his arms around me squeezing tight. “I don’t believe that.” Breaking the hug, I move away gathering my stuff. “I have to get to the library.” “Now?” “Yes, I have work I have to turn in.” I leave with no goodbye. I exit the building glad to have fresh air in my face and Henry at my back. The library is busy, but I find a place to work. Stats need my full attention. There’s Tony’s S it doesn’t matter. Going through the back door, there’s a note from Pat and Mary: Boys, We will be back Suny afternoon. Make sure the place is clean. Sleep where you want. Eat what you want. Don’t drink the hard stuff. Directions for grill and hot tub are on the fridge. Have fun. P & M “We’re staying here?” I ask. “Yes, no pressure…we don’t have….we can ….do whatever you want.” “Great…I’m in…let’s not sleep in their bed…ok.” “Agree…there’s sleeping bags in the den. I thought we could watch TV all night.” “Cool, do you know I’m a pretty good cook?” “No, good I can barely microwave,” Henry says. I make burgers and oven fries. We eat at the breakfast bar laughing. Both of us relaxing and enjoying each other. I’m nervous about tonight. I’m not going to lie Henry has become the star of my fantasies. Not all of them are sexual, but they still lead to an orgasm. He’s talking. I can’t hear what he’s saying because he’s smiling. He cleans the dishes while I go and wander around. “Hey, I brought some clothes we can share…shorts and stuff,” Henry says. “Thanks, what’s next?” “Do we have to have a plan…..can we just be here?” “Sorry, I didn’t know if you…” “Really nothing..already bored?” Henry asks. “Hell, no…you know something I’ve never seen you do? “Scared to asks…so many different answers.” “Smartass….play the guitar….never…will you?” “Of course..sure the boys’ are upstairs….be right back.” Romantic comes to mind. I enter the living room with its thick red Oriental rug and fireplace. I throw the cushions on the floor Mary, and I use to lounge when we chat in here. I grab some candles from the mantle and place them on the hearth and light. It’s still too rk, so I turn the small bookcase lights on. I sit on the floor just as Henry returns with a guitar. “Oh mn..not expecting this….nice,” Henry says. “Just setting the mood.” “What do you want to hear….name it?” “Dealers choice.” As Henry crosses to sit opposite of me, he touches the back of my head. It’s light, but it makes me tingle. He plucks the guitar a little looks up at me and smiles. He slowly lowers his head as he strums. I don’t immediately recognize the song. It’s familiar though. In a low voice, Henry begins to sing…. Empty prayer, empty mouths, combien reaction Empty prayer, empty mouths, talk about the passion Not everyone can carry the weight of the world Not everyone can carry the weight of the world Talk about the passion Talk about the passion It’s a little slower than Stipes, but it’s…..everything around me around us is gone. We have escaped and are somewhere outside of time. Henry doesn’t look at me. Blown away I see he’s not playing for me but singing to me. A little unsure and fearful or embarrassed that I may not see this for what it is, Henry is courting me. Talk About the Passions morphs into to Catapult but the words “Ooooh we were little boys” barely is sung before I’m over on top of Henry pushing the guitar out of the way. Our lips touch. Henry opens his mouth. It’s been a long time since I’ve kissed anyone like this. I’m almost vibrating. By now Henry is flat on his back while my knees are on either side of him. I’m hovering over him. Grabbing me, he places one hand on my neck the other around my trunk he pulls me full on him. His legs spread I’m held there our crotches crushed together like our faces. When I feel his erection and realize I’m in the same predicament, I roll off and lie beside him. I reach for his hand. Silence. Henry turns to his side. He’s staring at me. I turn towards him. “This is the longest time since I’ve been around you that you’ve been silent….cat got ya tongue,” I joke. “No,” he says with little expression on his face, “That was amazing.” “Uh hh.” “Are you ok with this,” Henry asks “Yes, are you?” “Fuck yeah,” and like that Henry’s smile returns. “So, you had a boyfriend before…how far did you guys go?” “Too serious….It’s a story for another time……I don’t want to spend time thinking about him and it.” “I understand.” “Besides it forced me into a destructive relationship with a bottle of pills,”I share a bit too much without thinking. Henry is silent after this for awhile. “I’m sorry for sharing that last part. I did stupid things. It wasn’t just a breakup or being outed it was bad. We had been friends like since birth. It included our families. Looking at Henry, I can see he’s trying to formulate words befitting the jumble escaping me. My fear grows the longer he’s silent. “But you didn’t, and you’re here now, and we’re here, and I’m so very glad you’re here,”Henry surprises me. He kisses me again. I sit up. “What about a glass of wine?” “Sounds good.” “Play some more,”I say as exit the room. I return with two glasses of wine. Henry is looking over Grange’s music collection. It’s a big one and in a couple of different formats. “Can I play for you later….I’d really like to put some music on and talk.” “Drink some wine….k.” Now I’m a little unsure of what we are going to talk about. Henry is loading the CD player. I’m curious of his choices. Without a verbal agreement, we sit facing each other. Me braced against the sofa. Henry the hearth. Are legs side by side. I lean forward handing him his wine as classical music fills the room. “Beethoven….,” He says. “Piano concerto no. 5,” I respond “Shit….” “Went to an uppity private school big on classics.” “Music teacher grandmother started piano at 4….fuck swear you won’t tell anyone that…especially Mary and Pat.” “Lips sealed….it’s cute…you’re cute.” I say. “How did you figure out you were gay?” “I don’t know….not thought about it….I was young didn’t want to look at girls or kiss them or have a girlfriend.” “Cub Scouts for me….no girls….wrestling was my discovery….didn’t know what it meant but knew other guys didn’t feel this way.” “Knowing it was wrong before knowing what it was….can relate.” “I wasn’t kidding….umm you were my first kiss,” Henry blushes. “Not sure what to say…..I hope it wasn’s a disappointment.” “Oh, god no….been planning or imagining what I would do….don’t know….can guys be romantic?” “We can be whatever we want…you want.” I say. “I have a romantic streak….I don’t know where it comes from… parents barely ever kissed in front of my brother and me.” “Goes against my cred….I think it’s nice to be romantic or whatever….show another you care and like and love them.” As soon as I say, love, I regret it. “Well, …we’re on the same page.” “Let’s go outside……I mean would you like to go outside….smoke a little pot?” I ask. “Oh..yeah..shit this just keeps getting more fun.” “Stick with me…I know plenty of tricks.” “Interesting…..pot pot….mary jane…,” Henry claps as we head out to the patio. I pack the one-hitter and pass it to him first along with my favorite lighter. “Danka,” he says. “Merci.” “Oh mn…I feel so cosmopolitan…..,” he blows the smoke in my face. We kiss. “Our first te….wouldn’t you say?,” he asks softly as he’s holding my face. “I’ll have to think on it,” drawing in until my lungs sincan escort are bursting. “R.E.M.” Henry drops this and follows it up with nothing as I pass to him. I wait expecting there to be something else. “Yes, R.E.M……..big fan what about you?” “Oh yeah,” Henry smiling big with teeth exposed answers. “Stoney….do you need to wet your whistle……are you stoned buddy?” I ask without needing a response. He’s not brought his wine out, so I pass him mine. He finishes it. He is goofy. “Sorry, yes, I love R.E.M….love figuring out how to play their songs…love….love.” “I know…I heard….you’re good….were you nervous?…you seemed nervous.” “I wasn’t until I got to thinking about your stack of tapes you carry around with that walkman….you know they have these things called CDs…..I didn’t know what to play….that just seemed to fit.” “I thank you,” we kiss again for some time. Henry is a kissing prodigy. We’re on lounge chairs stretched out beside each other. The night is quiet and rk around us. My head is getting fuzzy not only with wine and pot but also what we are doing. “Alan…Alan….I want to tell you something….will you let me tell you something……please?” “Yes, Stoney you can tell me something,” now I’m nervous please don’t tell me you love me or you like me. Please. “Ok, here I go…..I saw you the first y. At check-in you didn’t have anything….you just hung around. I watched you escape…I stood on the second-floor landing and saw you crossing the quad going towards the east side. I found out you were right next door….I was nervous….couldn’t talk to you….I followed you around telling myself every time I was going to talk to you…. I couldn’t…big chicken… know a big chicken likes you?” Laughing. “Not a chicken….you did make all the moves.” “Never….mean only had crushes on guys who I would never approach….I liked you from the start,” he says this last part in a whisper with his head down so I can’t see it. “Don’t know what to say….only ever had one person like me….what changed…you started aggravating me?” “If this is who I am….I need just to figure it out…deciding you would be a boyfriend or just a friend.” “You want to go back inside?” “Yeah….are you stoned?” “Not like you Stoney.” Lying Henry down in the den, I pick up the outside and close everything up. I pull out the sofa bed in the den and pile sleeping bags on. He is snoring. As I pass, I kiss his head wondering what shampoo he uses. I go to the upstairs bathroom. Turning the water on, I stare at someone I’m still not familiar with. What if Henry isn’t seeing me. He doesn’t understand I destroy. I don’t mean to it just happens. I wet a washcloth and scrub my face. Sitting on the toilet, I look at my handiwork. The latest still has a touch of purple around the hole. There’s a random pattern I like. It could be a constellation or a city grid or a maze. This weekend it will be fine I won’t have to I can just let it be. Henry is gone when I come down the stairs. I find him in the living room swapping CDs. He turns when he hears me smiling. Is her every not smiling? “Thought we needed a change….for old folks they have great taste.” “Agreed…funny thing it’s Pat…..Mary is all folk and adult contemporary.” “This mix goes out to all the first te couples….those young folks embarking on new lands with new partners.” “You’re a kook….how do you feel?” We kiss. “Amazing…because we are here together and it didn’t take rope or duct tape.” “Sounds fun..nights young never know.” We move from room to room talking. Mainly me listening to Henry tell his tales. No wonder he smiles. He’s had an ideal life with a loving family one that encouraged him and helped him when things got hard. He’s not come out to them, and he’s not sure how to do that. There’s fear in sharing his world, but in my fairy tale of him it all works out. Unlike mine in which masks come off, and everyone is the big bad wolf. “Are we going to sleep together?” Henry asks. “What?” “Not like sex…doesn’t have to be….I mean uh fuck.” “Sleep in the same bed?” “Yes, but can…..can we spoon?” Laughing. “Yes, …hard question there?” “Don’t know….sounded… I wanted to say it I was worried you would laugh or joke…sorry.” “Why would you think that….am I that?” “You’re not it’s since the first when I put my arms around you all I’ve wanted to do is hold you….when I try…it never lasts as long as I want….sorry….I think about me curled around you….of you with your fingers wrapped around mine…” “I’m sorry…I just.” “It’s ok….I understand ….if it’s not your thing….that’s.” “Henry….please I would like that….because it’s simple…sweet… it’s you….the boy who was embarrassed to sing to me.” Lights are turned off, and doors are checked. I brush my teeth and wash my face again. Henry takes my place when I’m done. In the den, he has made the bed better than me. He leaves the bathroom light on with the door closed some. “Is this ok?” He asks. “Yeah.” “Should I be this nervous?” “I don’t know….”I get in bed first hoping this will make it easy for him. “So, tell me if I’m doing something wrong…” “Henry….let me spoon you first ok…just until you’re relaxed…” “Good idea.” We are not spoons. We are more like Cs. His head is on my outstretched arm. He holds my wrist. Our bodies so very close together feeling each other breath and hearts beat. Henry almost purrs. He doesn’t speak nor do I. There’s just our bodies and music in this place. Henry asks, “Can I be the big spoon for a little while? “mmmm…yes,” I think I’m happy. He is smiling as he rolls over. Kissing his face is the only thing on my mind. We settle down assuming our positions. We fit together nicely. Something comes undone in me. Feeling Henry holding me and his heart beating I feel like crying. “Favorite R.E.M song?” He asks. “I have many…for all different reasons and moods.” “Harborcoat?” “It has a great beat…” “I noticed your fine nce moves.” “Yeah…but the image…the words are sad……Driver 8 because it reminds me of my hometown and the trains…….Maps and Legends…’s beautiful.” Low just barely audible..right in my ear….Henry sings…’s slow….and sweet……right now at this moment I am happy, or whatever this is I’m feeling……my face screws up my eyes fill with water. “Those who know what I don’t know….Point to the yellow red and green,” he stops after that he is listening….”You ok?” he asks in the same sweet voice he’s been singing it. “Fine…..I didn’t plan…I forgot about this.” “Is this good?” “I want it to be good…I want it to be,” I say as I turn over to face him. “I want you so bad, I’m sorry….I do. I want to touch you feel you….be with,” I stop. Henry has placed my hand in his and moving it down his body. My heart is so fast I feel it in my head. He places his lips on mine as he slides his hands under my shirt. Skin to skin contact his touch is too much I’m going…..I have managed to move his sweats down. He’s sticking out of the top of his boxes. When my hand comes in contact with his dick, he jumps whimpering a little. He’s attaching my shorts without much success. “please,” he whispers, and I interpret as a call for assistance sliding my shorts down…..Henry has removed his shirt and is pulling on mine. We fall back down. He quickly gets on top of me locked in a life providing kiss we begin to grind our dicks together….I tongue his ear and run it down his neck he’s bitting my shoulder…. “Slow down…..ugh…oooooooo,” his body convulses. I feel as if I’ve been sprayed with a hose. He’s quite for a minute. “I’m sorry…here let me get you off,” he says unnecessarily. He grasps me still on top, and immediately I let go. All the air in me is pushed out. I jump sıhhiye escort and move away from his touch. “Too sensitive,” I’m breathing hard. Henry collapses full weight on me begins kissing my neck, chest. He brings his hand up and licks some of me and what I’m sure is him as well off his fingers. I grab the back of his neck and thrust my tongue as deep as it will go into his mouth. This is a wide mouth fully exposed tongue fight between the two of us. I feel he’s hard again. I never went limp. We roll and swap places. Holding his hands, I slowly make my way down his body. I kiss his chest and tease his nipples. He struggles when I get to his ribs….he knows where this is going. I discover his belly button…an outey never in my life…..without using any hands I begin to kiss the length of him…I can taste us….I maneuver my way between his legs to lick a tightly drawn sack. Love feeling his breathing. It’s shallow and broken then deep and guttural. I take him in my mouth. I do my best not to let it happen too fast. I’ve released his hands, and his fingers tangle in my hair. His hips move with every in and out. I’m grinding into his lower leg…I cum, and seconds later my mouth fills with Henry. I crawl back on his chest and lie there. He’s holding me. “Am I hurting you,”I ask “No…well that took all of 5 minutes.” “Who cares….it was great.” Henry kisses my head. “Yes, it was.” It was. Without over thinking or trying to determine the reasons for our actions. Henry is so sweet. He reminds me of my cat Toni curling up and purring with each touch. Is this wrong? Am I wrong to let myself feel this? Just let go…that’s what I’m supposed to say and do. “You want to take a shower?” I ask. “You’ve done this before?” “Ok, not the answer to my question…yes Henry I have…is that an issue? “No….the last part….the second time….when you…..when I…” “When you came in my mouth?” “Yeah…that umm.” “What Henry…what is it?” “Nothing…do you do that every time….?” “You tasted cum…you licked your fingers…” “I’m not saying anything was surprising.. I don’t know if I’m supposed to apologize or..” “It’s fine….I knew how that move was going to end…trust me.” “I’m sorry…not trying to be stupid ok? I don’t think there’s anything wrong just learning.” I walk to him and kiss him.”You’re good..e on shower….look at that,” pointing out his erection. “Sorry.” “Never apologize for that…..that can be lesson 2.” I slowly wake without my bedmate. I don’t feel him, but I can tell without opening my eyes that it is morning and the sun is up. I stir and stretch and get my brain working. I smell coffee. I know Henry’s love of it the stronger, the better. At that school he was at it was the only drug they had. I feel something I’m unable to define or describe even to myself. I’m not thinking of all the what-ifs like I normally would be. I’m not starting the y with dread. My head is clear, and it’s good. I stand and look for my surrounding. Henry’s picked up towels and clothes done a general cleanup in the den. I can see out the window that he’s in the grass just sitting with his coffee. I do my best to creep up..but fail. “Good Morning,” Henry surprises me. “Morning buddy.” Without looking up or turning his head, he pats the grass beside him. “What’s with this buddy…?” “Sorry, it’s a habit I picked up from my grandfather…..I’ll work on stopping.” “Do you have other buddies?” he asks as he offers me his cup. The contents are strong and bitter. “I don’t normally…. I don’t think….no I can’t remember using it…” I say “I was my grandfather’s buddy and he was mine.” “So, a real good memory?” “Probably one of the best……that still is true…..only adult I could count on….I was never grandson or anything but buddy….” “Please don’t stop….I had a Papa who taught me everything from how to shake my dingle, fish, shake hands, to treat ladies…..” “Your dingle?….sorry that is just too cute…..” “It is cute ya’ll met last night…did he disappoint?” “In no way is there any disappointment in anything that happened last night….” “I agree fully…no debate.” Henry finally turns and looks at me with his smile, and we kiss. “So, what are you thinking about this morning?” I ask. “How much fun I had and how I’d like to be here forever.” “Sorry, buddy the real world must be dealt with….we have some time….toy and tonight to enjoy.” “Serious buddy, now…what’s going to happen when we go back?” He asks. I exhale….this is scary for me. As much as I’m having, I still don’t know how Henry will be when we begin to spend more time together. “Lots of choices and we can’t prepare for all of them. I don’t want either of us to get hurt, but I know that’s a likely possibility…..”I say. “Negativity….” “Sometimes….I’m not stupid and want to be real.” “I’m all for real.” He smiles. “Ok, what are your plans?” “If it’s ok and you agree…. I want to go back to school and just be…maybe better.” “Henry, I have no idea what that means.” “I’m gonna explain…..I want you to feel protected. I don’t make any decisions for you or us…… I won’t out you or do anything….that you don’t want me to….I want to be with you I”ll let you lead….you can be the driver….” “What does that mean?” “It means it means….people will see us together, and they can decide what they want about us. It means that while no public display of affection we don’t hide……” “What if you’re asked why you’re hanging around me….what if someone comes out and just asks….one of us….what?” “I don’t want to spend time on the what ifs…mn….I’ll answer the question how you want me to….” “Even if it is to lie…to dismiss me….to hurt me..if I tell you that’s what I want?” “Alan, I don’t want to do any of that….and I don’t know if I could….but this is something new for me….” “I don’t know…..ugh….right now it’s safe…it’s just us…you and me here.” I say. “Ok, I’m tired of this shit…let’s do something…” “I had other ideas…”Henry touching me..giggling. Kissing me, Henry stops so we are nose to nose….and just looks at me… “Stop…that, let me up.” We are wet from the early morning dew. “Ok…have you noticed I’m extremely charming?” “Yes, Henry you’d make any girls father nervous.” “Have you had any girlfriends…ted a girl?” “No, never…had sex with one…it was awful… never went on a te or lied that I had” “Oh..fuck yeah…but no sex….” “Wait…you’re a virgin?” I’m shocked. “Isn’t virginity a state of mind? Yes, I’ve never had penis in vagina sex…I’ve never had penis in any body part sex….take that back last night and you know.” “Yes..but I would never have guessed about you.” “When are we going to go full sex….you know…?” “Anal?….hold on…is that what you think sex is all about?” I say. “No….maybe…e on I’m a virgin…” “That’s advanced moves…we need to come to agreements…start slow.” “Fine…what’s it all about?” “Can we talk about our assholes another time….” “Ok…you know when you did that last night” “What?” “No the other part…when you….you know you.” “I ate your cum? I swallowed…again?” “Yeah…that… why…do you do that every time….I’m asking questions…sorry?” “Well I’m not sure how I should take that…I’m not a slut….I have before but only with one other person.” “I didn’t mean it that way……why?” “Why what” “Why last night…I mean.” “I wanted to….I don’t know….I liked what was happening…the way you reacted I guess… is this bothering you?” “It’s not….no…I never thought of it….I mean I heard jokes…never really….when do I get to do you?” “Chill you little monkey….can we just let things happen at their own pace….we do need to have that anal chat cause that should never be a surprise….but what happened last night….I’m great with.” “So, have you had that sex before?” He asks. “Twice and that’s all I’m going to say.” “OK…..breakfast?” “I hate breakfast….you enjoy.” “It’s the most important meal of the y..e on….I’ll make you something…” “I thought you said you didn’t cook?” “I can burn toast and scramble an egg.” We go inside.

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