Mr Perv and the Cucumber
My name is Julie…
Yesterday was Sunday so of course that meant it was a morning of worship for me at my church. After a morning of Bible study, singing in the choir and listening to our pastor give a fire-and-brimstone sermon about whether we want to serve God or the devil in hell, I returned to my peaceful home out in the country.
During the school year I rent out an apartment in Fayetteville. But during the summer I live at my parent’s house, which is about a mile up a dirt road and several miles from tiny Huntsville, Arkansas. This summer my parents are touring South America so I have the place all to myself.
One of my passions is working in my garden. Since my parents are gone I almost always go out there naked and soak up the sunshine with nothing on except some sunscreen and my silver crucifix that dangles between my breasts. You know, if I wasn’t so in rapture with my religion I’d probably be one of those new-age nature girls.
So I’m out in the back of my home watering a row of corn when my cell phone rings. I look at the incoming phone number and I see that it is Mr. Perv calling. That’s what he calls himself and I call him that too because it is fitting. He’s been calling about once a week for the last year or so.
I punch him in and Mr. Perv greets me with, “How’s my redneck teeny daughter doing today?” I think that’s so funny because (1) while I do have a southern accent I am not a redneck, (2) I’m not a teenager and (3) I’m certainly not his daughter.
I know nothing about this man except that he says he is 54 years old. I’m 99.999% sure that he doesn’t live around here because he doesn’t have a southern accent and his cell phone area code is one from Montana. I think he just randomly keyed in my number one day and was lucky enough to find a willing girl to perv with.
The one thing about Mr. Perv is that he has an incredibly mesmerizing and sexy voice so I’m kind of hooked on him. Mr. Perv always wants me to do stuff for him while he beats off and talks dirty to me.
This time Mr. Perv wants me to shave my pussy bare. So I go in my house and get a disposable razor and some shaving cream and return to the garden. I’m pretty bare already as I usually only have a few blonde pubes above my clitoris. But I shave everything completely off and I tell Mr. Perv. that now I’m as smooth as the day I was born. Then I rinse myself clean with the garden hose.
Everything I tell Mr. Perv about gives him ideas. He latches on to the garden hose and he tells me, “Baby Girl, now I want you to stick that hose up your cunt hole and turn on the water full blast.” I do as I am told except that I don’t do it full blast because that would be a bit too much. But I do let the water flow and I do get a very pleasant tickling sensation.
Then, with the water seeping out of my pussy I tell Mr. Perv that I am going to water my corn. Of course Mr. Perv tells me, “Pick an ear of corn and put it deep up your asshole.” I would try it if I could but the corn isn’t ready and it won’t fit in my butt anyway. So I tell Mr. Perv “no-can-do” and he’s dismayed for a second until he tells me to pick a cucumber.
Same thing with the cucumber – it’s not ready yet. But I do have a few cucumbers in the fridge that I bought at the Huntsville grocery store so I go in my house with my cell phone. I pull a cucumber out and ask Mr. Perv what he wants me to do with it.
Mr. Perv asks me, “Where did you buy that cucumber?” I tell him I bought it at a grocery store. Then Mr. Perv says, “I want you to drive to that grocery store, fuck yourself in the parking lot with it while I listen and then put it back in the grocery store with the other cucumbers.”
Now this is kind of a unique proposition so I’m game. But first, of course, I have to get dressed. And not in the sexed-up stuff that I wear in the “big city” of Fayetteville because back in Huntsville I have a proper reputation to maintain.
So I put Mr. Perv on the speaker mode and I go in my bedroom and put my church clothes back on – a long dress, flowery top, white stockings and white heels. As I do this Mr. Perv is saying he’s all erect and wants to tie me up and not bust my cherry but, instead, have anal sex with me.
After I’m dressed I get the cucumber and take my Dad’s pick-up truck into town. Of course I take my cell too with Mr. Perv still on the line. When I arrive he tells me to park in the back of the parking lot and “fuck yourself like the dirty slut that you are.”
I move myself over to the passenger side so the steering wheel is out of the way. I hike up my dress all the way (no panties), wrap my hands around one end of the cucumber (it’s thicker than a big penis) and plunge that thing deep inside my pussy.
I have Mr. Perv on the speaker mode again and I hear a loud thumping sound on his end of the line and he yells, “Hear that Baby Girl, that my big hard cock hitting my cell phone. Don’t you wish my dick was up your tight little cunt?”
But I’m not paying all that much attention to Mr. Perv’s filth. Instead I’m imagining that I’m in the missionary position and that cucumber is some guy’s penis screwing me with my legs wrapped around his back so he can go in even deeper and harder.
It’s wasn’t long at all before I have a super intense orgasm and I do my squirt thing all over the cucumber and my Dad’s car seat too. Then I pull that drenched cucumber out of my vagina and put it in my purse and I head into the store with it and my cell phone.
I go right to the cucumber bin and whisper to Mr Perv that I’m going to put my sticky girl cum cucumber with all the other cucumbers. Mr Perv tells me, “Do it! Do it! Put it right on top. Maybe some lucky guy will buy it or maybe some bitch will fuck herself with it too.”
So I take the cucumber out of my purse and put it on top just like Mr. Perv told me to do. Then I pick out a couple of other cucumbers to buy so things don’t look suspicious (and so I can have sex with one again when I got home).
After I get back to the truck I put Mr. Perv back on the speaker mode and I listen to him finish himself off. This is always how our conversation ends. He beats his meat and starts yelling inaudible words at the top of his lungs and then he screams and cums. Then Mr. Perv tells me that he’s eating his cum and then he abruptly hangs up. I’m sure that I’ll hear from him again next week.